lifewithomg

I love him.

I love him not.

I love him.

I love him not.

I love him.

He said he wanted me, all of me. I gave him me; most of me. He said he wanted more of me; intimacy. I gave him adoration, half of me. He asked me to trust him, to have confidence in what we could be. I tell him I do, as my mind plays out if he truly has the best intentions for us. This overwhelming feeling honestly is too much for any person. I just need to move at my own pace and he graciously offers to wait. “Just a little more time, that’s all I need,” I reassure myself.

But as time moves on, the past lingers longer than the hope of a new future. She sees the hurt from others and is confident the same thing will happen again if she doesn’t protect herself. She sees the lives of her friends, her family. Compares her seemingly perfect relationship to theirs. “I’m happy,” she defiantly states. And she is. Because ultimately, that’s what we all strive to be, right? Happy? Then why isn’t she happy like her friends?

She thinks back to every successful relationship she admires. They both love each other, just like she loves him. She still felt like a completed puzzle with one piece missing. But this time, she knew where to look. She just didn’t know how to admit something was wrong. Would the world see her as a fake? That her seemingly perfect life was indeed in shambles? Would they feel betrayed? Would she be deemed as not trustworthy? Or would she sacrifice her greatest treasure, her pride, one more time—and probably the most important—to not only live happy, but to live completely whole. She needs Him.

He loves me.

I love Him.

I want to be His.

She rushes to His doorstep, excited and nervous all at once. He opens on the first knock, His compassionate eyes even more vibrant than before. All doubt washes away as she looks up to Him and wonders why she was ever worried. “I’m yours,” she says breathless and full of anticipation. His eyes fill with sorrow. “I’m sorry, daughter. I don’t know you.”

It was too late.