Lover of Mine

He loves me, he loves me not.

He says he wants all of me, and only me, but this sharp pain surges through my body as I remember all the other broken vows past lovers have made. Me, just another victim that fell for the deceptive illusion of warmth, safety, desire, bliss. To them, I’m just small trophy they could add to their collection. Not a person, but a tissue. Small and fragile, just to be thrown away once they’ve used me for their intended purpose.

But when He’s around, the chaos surrounding me blurs. We’re connected on a level far beyond the natural eye. Me and Him. When He loves? It’s intense. Like, standing on top of the highest mountain and feeling the wind on your cheeks, intense! We sway in unison to the music of life as He whispers in my ear promises of faithfulness and intimacy.

But I’m not a fool. Honestly, it’s too good to be true. I’ve been down this road time and time again. My heart quite literally can’t take this! One more blow and I’ll shatter to a billion pieces. Lost, forever.

“I’ve always loved you,” He says. “Since the moment I laid eyes on you, I loved you. I know you’ve been hurt before, but they didn’t see your worth. I do! I was there to wipe every tear, to cheer you on as you chase your dreams, to hold you close when you’re afraid. Your beauty is radiant! It shines brighter than the most colorful sunset! Won’t you be mine?”

He sees me, for me. This eagerness… this longing to give myself completely to something unfamiliar is unnerving. Like calm waters without the waves, I’m reminded of the stillness that His presence brings. When He’s around, the world fades away and everything blurs. Him and I. We dance, hand in hand, to the music that He creates in his head. Everything is okay when He’s next to me.

The walls around my heart start to fall as I think of what could be. I look down in embarrassment only to see wilted flower petals in my palms. When I look up, He offers his hand to me and I take it, our fingers interlocked.

He loves me.

God, if you’ll have me, I want you too. Will you be mine?