lifewithomg

Have you read Singleness & How To Maximize It? Want to? Click here.

Before we dive in, lets get a few questions out of the way that I know you’re dying to ask. Yes, I’m single. No, I will not go on a blind date with your nephew’s best friend. I don’t know how I’m still single, maybe it’s because I never sent that spam email that said I would be forever alone if I didn’t send it to 15 of my closest friends back in 8th grade.

Actually, I lied earlier. I do know why I’m single. It’s simple, really. I refuse to settle for anything less than the high standards that my father has placed over the last 22 years of my life. Yes, I am an independent black woman who doesn’t need a man to thrive in life – but, you can bet that I do notice when a gentleman opens the door for me when we’re both walking towards the same door. You have a different opinion? Great!

Remember Mr. Not So Right from That Time I Tried Online Dating and Rediscovered True Love? I had tried sooo hard to rush into a relationship when he was the complete opposite of the standards that I had set for myself long ago (hence why he’s called Mr. Not So Right). I was so desperate to not only change who I was for him, but what I believed in. I probably would’ve done something foolish that I would’ve regretted if he hadn’t been removed from my life when he was. Because of my actions, I was crushed and inevitably blamed God for my mistakes.

Just like an artist painting a priceless masterpiece, the best things that happen in life take time. If you drive 10 minutes down the highway in any direction, you’ll hit construction. Do you think they just decided one day to start putting orange cones up and redirecting traffic? It takes months, sometimes even years to plan projects that big. Of course, it’s super inconvenient and annoying to deal with the never ending flood of orange, but the end result is astonishing. The route that normally took you 25 minutes now only takes 15 with the new bridge installment and smooth roads!

This is the mentality that we should have. Not to rush into something that you think you need, but to take a step back, figure out what your intentions are, and what your end game is. Make a list! This will help in more ways then one when determining what you’re looking for. When doing so, remember these important steps:

• Sit down and ask yourself, “What do I want in my spouse?” Write it down, reflect on it, then ask yourself “Am I any of these?” Maybe what you’re seeking in someone else is actually what you seek to be yourself.
• Then ask, “What is someone else looking for in a Godly man/woman?” Work on these aspects and take time doing so. We can never be prepared for what a relationship entails, but we can learn about how to better ourselves when that time does come.
• Hold nothing back! If you desire for your spouse to be gluten free, write it down! Separate the list into two sections: negotiable and non-negotiable. You shouldn’t have any make or break moments on the negotiable list. Be realistic. It’s not meant to be a checklist of things you must have, but it will help you understand what you won’t negotiate on and what you’re willing to be flexible with. For example, loving Jesus is without a doubt a non-negotiable, but I’ll let it slide if my future spouse doesn’t have a passion for cheese like I do.
• Actively pray over that list and your future spouse. I cannot stress how important this part is. Prayer heals the weak, provides answers to the confused, and keeps us lifted up when we’re about to enter in a troubling season. Knowing this, we should be praying over our future spouses like there’s no tomorrow. You might not know who they are, but praying for their purity, their relationship with Christ, and just their life in general is important. Those secrets you’re hiding that no one knows about? They could be going through similar things, if not the same!
  • Since we’re on the topic of prayer, lifting up your future marriage is just as vital. Life is hard as is and keeping an authentic relationship with Christ is work in itself. Add a spouse in the mix and you could have your own reality tv show! Relationships are work. Marriage is work. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly.

Now, you probably read these last three blog posts on singleness and thought, “Why am I even reading this? Why take advice from her? She’s certainly not married and she’s never been in a relationship before.” You’re absolutely right. Truthfully, I could be in a relationship right now if I chose. We all could! But, I have seen with my own eyes what it’s like to watch marriages soar and crumble. I’ve seen lasting relationships form and emotions trampled on by those closest to me. The thing is, we have to learn to surround ourselves with great leaders and friends to advise us with wise counsel when it’s needed. 1 Corinthians 10:23 confirms it by saying, “I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial… not everything is constructive.” By doing this, we know our worth. Don’t get me wrong. Some days I do get sad and wonder why I’m waiting or if it’s even worth it (spoiler: it is). It’s not all about the status or the experience that a relationship will bring, it’s about being intentional. It’s about not wasting your time on someone who truly doesn’t deserve it, just because they satisfy your sexual needs or make you feel inferior. If you don’t have standards that you live by before you get in a relationship, the relationship will create the standard that you live by.

In Pastor Michael Todd’s sermons series, Relationship Goals, he reminds us that “the real power is knowing you can and realizing you don’t have to.” The problem is, we don’t want to feel like we’re alone. We don’t want to feel like we’re not loved, even if it’s a toxic relationship and hurting everyone around you, including yourself. I’ve lost count as to how many times I’ve changed my moral beliefs, vocabulary, or appearance simply to please someone that was only intended to be in my life for a season.

Although my younger self would disagree, I’m glad I didn’t date in high school. I always knew that I was looking for something serious and the chances of finding that in my school were slim to none. I don’t care what anyone has told you in the past. You’re emotions are one of your most valuable assets. When you commit your life to someone in any type of relationship, you’re entrusting them with your emotions, letting them in to a very intimate place. Intimacy can be dangerous if not used correctly. I’m talking about all of it: physical, sexual, and emotional. All are similar, but so very different. If you don’t have standards and you get with some else who also doesn’t have standards, bad things are bound to happen!

Singleness is not a problem to be solved, and relationships should always be taken seriously. If used correctly, it is not a trait that indicates weakness and incapability, but strength and wholeness.

Embrace your season and be your best self. Maximize your singleness and live your life. Be intentional when forming relationships and never settle for anything less than your worth. Remember, you are royalty!

Single and Happy,

OMG

P.S. This was a team effort. I wouldn’t have the knowledge I have now without the conversations and wisdom of some great family members and friends that I respect. Thank you for your knowledge. Take notes people, you can’t and shouldn’t do life without a strong support system in your corner. Find yours and strive.