lifewithomg

Selfies. Dancing. Feeling free to be Me. These are the top three things that I have struggled with since the day I discovered I could never be like everyone else. You know these people. They’re the athletes, the next top models, the American Idol finalists. All of the talents and gifts that you long to have but will never receive. Well, it all started in junior high (of course)…

You know one of the worst things about junior high? The locker room. My first year was rapidly approaching and I wanted to make an impression. I love being prepared for bad situations and making new friends was the ultimate goal, so I had a few killer ideas. My wonderful mother bought this spray on deodorant that came in a can and I thought it was the coolest thing ever created. I was so excited to whip it out and share with my new locker buddies! I proudly showed it off the next day by spraying it in the air and you know what they said? It was SO disgusting and they couldn’t BELIEVE that I liked the smell. Y’all, it was powder scented. Nevertheless, I was torn. I had tried so hard to be their friends, but time and time again I never seemed to break the surface.

You know one of my greatest fears? Dance circles. The fastest way to terminate a friendship with me? Push me to the middle of one. Growing up and attending a predominately white school, everyone looked to me during dances. They assumed that because I had caramel skin, I could win all of the dance battles. Boy, were they wrong. No, that was the girl next to me. That was anybody else BUT me. I didn’t know the latest dance moves or songs, so school dances weren’t the same for me as it was for my friends. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could dance or not. I never tried.

So what did I do? I took pictures. When I say I took pictures, I mean I took PICTURES. THE. WHOLE. TIME. Oh, they weren’t of me. No no no. I took pictures of everyone else having the time of their lives. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I was soo self-conscious about my clothes, my body, and my dance moves that I could never enjoy what was happening right in front of me. I didn’t even pretend to know what I was doing during the catchy Katy Perry songs. It was that bad.

Growing up, I always heard people say, “I regret doing…” or “I wish I could change… about my past”. I told myself at an early age that I would never let those words come out of my mouth. Every action, every decision I made, would be intentional. No regrets. Well, that didn’t turn out as I had hoped. I regret trying to please everyone. I regret wasting years of my life trying to be someone I wasn’t. Most of all, I regret forgetting who I was.

I look back at the old me and see years of potential friendships, connections, and memories, wasted. Make no mistake, I have some awesome memories and great experiences, but what could’ve happened if I had just stayed true to who I was and stopped caring what others thought of me? If we’re not careful, those same “what if” questions can drive one crazy as you begin to think back to what could’ve been.

Are we ever like this in our daily walks with Christ?

I love praise and worship. But, I was so self-conscious that I hated jumping up and down to the music. Raising my hands was an “only when needed” type of situation. I longed to feel the freedom of dancing, but couldn’t muster enough courage to get my feet off the ground. I didn’t want to be “too extreme” and draw attention to myself. That’s ridiculous!!! Something is very wrong when your opinion of others starts to affect your worship. I had to start closing my eyes while I worshipped so I couldn’t see what others were doing around me.

In Galatians, Paul helps by reminding us that if we were trying to win the approval of society, then we wouldn’t be servants of Christ. If we pay attention to our own lives and the work that we do, then we will feel the satisfaction of a job well done. This keeps us from comparing ourselves to someone else we might believe is doing far more than us.

Maybe you’ve never felt the need to compare yourself to others, but you can’t shake this dark feeling that you’ve hidden so well that no one will ever know the real you because you don’t even know who that is anymore and honestly even if you tried to take time to figure it out it’s too late because you’re already too far gone and there’s no way to fix it now. Maybe, maybe not. But don’t you owe it to yourself to try? The world would be a much better place if we all knew who we were and acknowledged the gifts and talents that were placed on our lives, not the hobbies that we try to turn into careers because we have the mentality to be “just like them.” You were fearfully and wonderfully made! Just be you!

Once we acknowledge that we are masterpieces, embracing who we are and who God says we are, we will be unstoppable. So, who will you be?

Forever worshipping with my eyes closed,

OMG

DISCLAIMER: Most of these stories took place when I was in junior high and I’m certainly not that same insecure 12 year old girl anymore. So please, don’t message me words of encouragement telling me to get out of my shell more. I’m like a turtle without a home. (Get it? Okay, bye.)